just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
