I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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