so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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