We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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