Apparently you make a good broom.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
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We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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