The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
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I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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