I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
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She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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I just had sex on a roof
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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