SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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