So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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