your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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