i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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