just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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