it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
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All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
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She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize