I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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