Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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