I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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