Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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