I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize