If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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