I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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