after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize