i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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