I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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