There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
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I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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