I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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