so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
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Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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