you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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