He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize