drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize