people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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