I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
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So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
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One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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