I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize