just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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