someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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