I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize