He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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