Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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