Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize