I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize