Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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