i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
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She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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