Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
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he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
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Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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