i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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