apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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