Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
