She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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