btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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