guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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