So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize