Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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