is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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