About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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