what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
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It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
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Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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